So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think my tv is drunk
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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