Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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