in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she smelled like a LAN party
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
