So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
