I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
