im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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