There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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