her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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