come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
