we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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