I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
