Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
