just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
