a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize