We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
