I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
