3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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