If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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