yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
