a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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