He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
