I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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