..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
