I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize