I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
