just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
