Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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