do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
