the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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