he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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