I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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