dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
