My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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