I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
