He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
