dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
