every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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