is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
