Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pants are for mortals
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
