how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize