At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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