There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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