Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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