Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My life is pants optional.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
