You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
