so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
