Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
