I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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