im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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