i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
