she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
