Yo dont text me then not text me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
