if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
