2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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