Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
