Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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