He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
