I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
