Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
this is an emotional support booty call
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
