Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
