You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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