he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
