So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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