I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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