I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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