Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
