So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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