all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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