if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
