is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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