i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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