goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
