She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
