phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
